How do you stay so strong?

I get asked this a lot, constantly as a matter of fact.

What’s my choice? Be weak? Fold?

If I can be all Southern Pentecostal on a Sunday morning, I’d like to do so. To simply say, “The joy of the Lord is my strength.”

It couldn’t be easier for me. I can raise my darling 39 children with a very strong assurance that I know I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing, with these particular children. I felt a huge calling, each time I adopted my children, that these were the children for me, and I retain a very deep conviction and assurance to continue working hard with my children.

They’ve come so far, yet have so far to go. Their needs are so varied and so unique. Birth siblings in each group are so different from each other, yet so bonded. I have up to three children in some grades (4th, 5th and 6th) and they are academically so far apart as to quantify for light years measurement. All six of them are only ages 9-11, a small age span with huge maturity gaps, requirements and needs.

I choose to deeply believe that happiness is a choice. I don’t always hold my head up and grin like a banshee. I have meltdowns, hissy fits and door slamming, pot banging, plate breaking occasions because I’m normal. I’m neither always strong nor smiling, but overall, against all odds, living with traumatized children, I’m winning the war on negativity.

Should I allow them to grow up as defeatists? What harm is there in learning how to look on the good side of things? To have a positive expectancy? To have hope, dreams, goals and motivation? I believe that’s my job as their mama, to be their cheerleader.

The children have watched me weather some very vicious blows; they’ve watched me to see how I’d handle it. They’ve seen me cry, been deeply disappointed or hurt, but they’ve also learned that within minutes I’ll be scrambling for a solution, hunting for Plans B-Z, and trying to figure out what our next step should be. Sometimes we have to take a fall, sometimes there’s something there for us to learn, but usually I hear God telling me to pick us all up, brush everyone off, and get all our big feet back on the path.

Bottom line for me, it’s easier, more rewarding and more joyful to fight to remain positive rather than be swept into a sea of unrelenting negativity.

I’ve smiled through some tough times and some great times; it’s my choice, my method of coping, my strength and my continuing plan for our future here.

That’s how I stay so strong.