Well I am telling you I feel as dumb as the day is long. For the last twelve years I have let everything in our family life be managed around April.

Whe DHS placed her in a pre adult home. I felt sorry for her. With all of our family dying and my oldest daughter being in the hospital. I let my heart rule my home again. April begged "Mommy please let me come back home. You are my family I belong with you." Well I did it.

I let April come home. The first week home she was back to her old ways. Thinking her attitude was going to rule our roost. I had the police at my door two times in 10 days. The second time they brought April back home after she committed Retail Fraud by stealing two Monster energy drinks for a total of $5.18 cents.

We are still waiting on her court hearing for that.
Which notice came in the mail on Saturday morning for that. The hearing will be Wednesday at 9:15 A.M.
We hadn't even told her before she got up got dressed and was out the door.

We decided to make dinner and every sit down together to eat, then watch "Diary Of A Mad Black Woman" and "Madea's Family Reunion" together as a family.

April got up and took off before the second movie began. We didn't think much of it and we had set boundaries for her and a curfew for 8 p.m. At 9 p.m.
there was no sign of April..... By 10:30 p.m. we knew she was not coming home so we had to report her to the police.

Here she is just three weeks away from her 17th birthday. Still making the same dumb mistakes.
The lady down the street said she left with 3 guys and they had told her they were having a party and every was going to get drunk. She said "I have an 8 o;clock curfew but the hell with it I'm going with you....and she left with them."

Her so called buddy and best friend told us that she got "Drunk and had sex with two guys." Sounds like to me she was the entire party plan.

What makes me so upset is that I trusted her again and once again she just kicks us in the face. She did not come in until 4:30 in the afternoon the next day.

I have not even talked to her yet. I have nothing but harsh things to say to her. So I would just rather not speak at all.

I hope they lock her up on Wednesday. I hope they throw away the key until she wakes up to reality.
But again I know they wont. Hey I'm the one who prayed that God show mercy on her....so why get mad when the Judge does nothing but send her back home with us.

I feel like she is our punishment in life. There just are not enough good memories to over shadow the bad memories of her.

At this point how do I be a mother to her? How do I chase away all these mixed up feelings? One moment I want to just tell her I hate her and to get out of my life. The next moment I see through the camaflage and know that she needs unconditional love more than any other kid on earth.

If nothing else I feel like I have earned a honorary Masters Degree in Childhood Education. The hard way.
Who has any suggestions for us? As if we have control over much of anything now in her life.