Usually fueled by my passion to get things done, I run around the house after the kids have gone to school. With five more grandchildren – oops, now 6 of them – living here, my house takes a beating.

I can deal with that and I get a sense of accomplishment plowing through my chores and starting dinner early since I cook from scratch.

But today, first thing in the morning I had to deal with a grown up child of mine, 31, and her two year old son. I absolutely lost my patience in a huge way as she’s let a pile of circumstances force her into immobility. Like a slug, she’s dug herself a financial pit and isn’t doing anything to rectify the situation and I’ll be dogged if I’ll fall into the enabler trap with her.

I lectured her, she took it well, but my frustration level was high. I flew out the door to take a hike, something I used to do on a regular basis but rarely find the time anymore. OK I’m lying; I just don’t make time anymore.

I stomped for miles through a cotton field and down two dirt roads until I calmed down enough to walk over to another daughter’s house and eat lunch with her.

Arriving back home, mid sixties temperature, I stayed outside weeding a large garden bed for another hour and a half, not having done a lick of housework.

My daughter with five kids had cleaned the kitchen for me, and I very guiltily looked at the huge pile of dirty laundry, but it was then 3 pm and my younger kids were walking in the door after school.

Our family therapist also arrives at our home when the school bus gets here and I made excuses to her about the house looking so bad, told her how I’d spent my day. I felt guilty as sin for working outside and hiking instead of cleaning.

She absolutely admonished me about it. Explaining that caretakers like me always feel guilty when they do something for themselves and that was exactly how I felt. Like I’d overindulged at the expense of my children who were at school all day anyway.

Tonight I feel so much better for having taken care of myself, for having gotten a head start on next spring by tackling that one garden bed, even though I have another 30 to go.

Tomorrow promises to be yet another pretty day and I think I’ll repeat my adventures of today. I think I deserve it.

Photo Credit Cindy Bodie