I stopped adopting three years ago when I accepted the referral of my last sibling group. I knew then, at that moment, that I’d adopted exactly the right amount of children over exactly the correct span of decades. I simply knew that 39 children was enough.

39 children are more than enough to keep one busy, but I also had to redirect my own mindset. I’d been heavily emotionally invested in building up my family, making sure we had the resources, enough room, and could meet everyone’s varied needs.

It should be noted that I’ve never had all 39 children living with me at once, nor have I even lived with 29 at a time. My parenting has spanned 34 years so far.

The July day that I made my decision, or rather felt the decision had been made by God, y’all believe as y’all feel called to believe, this is simply how I feel, I then felt completed. That I’d done what was required of me then. Now I feel mandated by my higher power to finish the job; to raise my children to be as successful as they can become.

Not being involved in the process of adoption with its accompanying masses of paperwork gave me free time in which I chose to return to my earlier endeavors such as gardening, recycling, writing and putting up food for the winter – earlier loves that I’d forsaken as I spent all my time and energy on building my family.

I’ve been recycling cardboard, glass and plastic milk jugs, I’m adding metals now to my list, and I’m teaching my kids the importance of our earth and of living with respect to it and being environmentally mindful.

Uh-huh, the same traumatized children that punch my walls in a complete lack of respect for the innocent sheetrock, the ones who strow trash everywhere as if trash cans were dodging their mighty efforts and the same darlings that need constant and continuous love, attention, stability, security and reassurance.

It’s gratifying to me to slowly, very slowly, observe their progress as they become regular kids who are now sports minded and fun rather than their earlier paranoid and fearful selves. There are so many facets of life to teach to them and so little time in which to do so, a common lament among parents who’ve adopted older children. If only we had more time.

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