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I must share that my Hubby and I are passionate about raising well-mannered kids. Good manners bring more opportunities, people want to be around you, instill a pride in ones-self and a positive attitude. We find that society is letting many young ones run amuck and the rudeness is out of control. It has been a struggle with our middle two as we have not raised them from infancy and they really are not sure of our expectations due to language barriers and having been with us for only about 15 months, especially when they see their friends getting away with things that we would not tolerate in our home.
Their language skills have impressed us greatly and they have moved passed being “Functionally fluent” to “Functionally and socially fluent”. By “Socially fluent” I mean they can following normal, everyday conversations with friends and aqaintences and I don’t have to help out as much as I used to. Of course these are my terms, so don’t think they are official or anything!
My hopes are that they will quickly move from “Socially fluent” to “Socially appropriate most of the time”! Let me share a couple of examples that have embarrassed me lately:
*At Wal-mart we ran into a friend and she said she had spent the entire day at the pool. To this Mita says (interrupting, mind you) “Oh, that is why your hair is a mess.” I smiled apologetically and the girls got and earful on manners when we got to the store.
*Mita is starting to develop and is aware of this, but not sure how to handle it. The other day she was running around the house in just a pair of shorts and everyone was trying to not look at her. Thankfully she put on a shirt and responded well with my suggestions.
*Last night hubby and I went out to return and find the babysitter had been subjected to questions about their Ethiopian dad’s living status and a lot of crying and sharing of the life books. Needless to say our 17 year old babysitter hadn’t realized she would be questioned like this and I felt so bad for her. She handled things well, though and hopefully will not rule out social work in the future!
Those are just a few of the episode in our house lately. Most of them are dealing with the nine year old Mita. Enu, however, will ask inappropriate requests to extended family, “Will you buy me…” and things like that.
I realized that again my “Toddlers in big body” theory is at work here. They have learned a lot of English, habits, customs and manners and are doing very well. I must state that we are so happy with their progress in many ways and very proud of them. The fact is that when a pre-schooler says rude things or acts out of synch society in general will laugh at the mistakes. When a nine year old does it, it is considered rude and inappropriate.
My goal for the rest of the summer is to improve our families social habits. This includes reducing whining, begging, yelling, hitting, talking back, inappropriate dress, rude comments and bodily function noises. Reading that last sentence makes me feel like I am raising barbarians! Of course I’m talking about all of my kids, not just my middle Ethiopian girls. My four year old is sporting a “tude” of late and my eldest thinks burping is a sport.
My plan is an offensive one for now. I will reward good behaviors by getting out my handy little charts that have 25 squares on them. Each time Hubby or I see a child demonstrating good manner in an area they have previously been deficient in they will have a square initialed. A BIG prize will be awarded once they are all filled in. I’m hoping to reduce my nagging and improve the whole home atmosphere.
Please share what you have done or are doing to improve social appropriateness in your family.
Mandy – I am brand new to this sight and brand new to blogging. I just decided to explore the option for some support. Two of our children who are adopted from Vietnam have been with us for 18 months now. They are currently 8 and 10. I can definitely empathize with you when you talk about how it’s normal for society to accept toddler behavior but when that toddler behavior comes in a bigger body it’s hard for everyone. We were at the park last week and my 8 year old son Daniel was climbing a tree purposefully above this family having a picnic intentionally causing bark and leaves to fall on their blanket. I was not able to get him down and I did appologize to the family. I don’t have any great answers to this dilemma but I do try a lot to reinforce positive behaviors and when I get personally frustrated I try and remember from where they have come from. I mean that both from where they have come before entering our family and how very very far they have come since being here. I don’t like the demands for wanting to have things bought for them all of the time, that is something I struggle with. I like your idea of the chart for reinforcing positive behaviors. Lori
Mandy – I am brand new to this sight and brand new to blogging. I just decided to explore the option for some support. Two of our children who are adopted from Vietnam have been with us for 18 months now. They are currently 8 and 10. I can definitely empathize with you when you talk about how it’s normal for society to accept toddler behavior but when that toddler behavior comes in a bigger body it’s hard for everyone. We were at the park last week and my 8 year old son Daniel was climbing a tree purposefully above this family having a picnic intentionally causing bark and leaves to fall on their blanket. I was not able to get him down and I did appologize to the family. I don’t have any great answers to this dilemma but I do try a lot to reinforce positive behaviors and when I get personally frustrated I try and remember from where they have come from. I mean that both from where they have come before entering our family and how very very far they have come since being here. I don’t like the demands for wanting to have things bought for them all of the time, that is something I struggle with. I like your idea of the chart for reinforcing positive behaviors. Lori