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I started writing for AdoptionBlogs.com in January of this year. One of the categories that my predecessors made is entitled,”The Benefits of an Older Child”. Every once in a while I look at that category and feel bad that I have never used it in my writings.
As I have mentioned before, we are in the beginning of our adoption. The girls have been home for 17 months. Sometimes that seems like a long time but it really is the beginning. I write about positive things, but I am also truthful about the hard situations we’ve been through. I want to be helpful for families thinking of adopting older children as well as for families with kids already home.
It has taken me a while to realize one of the most amazing benefits of having an older child adoption. They have memories of their life before the adoption. Of course this could also be seen as a negative in the case of abuse or trauma, but most people agree that the unknown is scarier than the known though. I believe that the girls early memories of their childhood will make Ethiopia more real to them, as well as the memories of their Ethiopian mother and father.
At the Ethiopian Heritage and Culture camp this past July we experienced a coffee ceremony. I watched Mita’s face as the incense burned and the coffee was ground. The glow of her eyes and the excitement of her voice when she told me,”I remember that smell!” “I used to make coffee like that!”.
She may forget her language, and many details, but I believe she will have a strong sense of who she is and where she came from. There will always be questions without answers, of course and for that I do mourn for my girls. They will remember the love of their father and the smells of their childhood and for that I am eternally grateful.
Photo Credit P.M. 2008 Our family in the Afar region of Ethiopia.
I also am adopting an older child, although she is from the U.S. She has been a blessing to our family, and although her past presents a lot of challenges that must be overcome, I am thankful that she is able to verbalize her memories to us so that we can sort of share in her past.
I think it is a real tribute to your relationship that your daughter is verbalizing her memories with you.
We are adopting our 14 year old daughter, also from the U.S. One of the greatest honors that I have ever had was when she wanted me to stay with her in her therapy sessions. I felt that she really trusted me.
It is difficult to hear the details of the events that led her into foster care and sometimes I fear that I don’t have the skills needed to help her overcome, but the bottom line is that we are putting one foot in front of the other and making it!!
My daughter is absolutely amazing.
Keep on sharing – your daughter is very fortunate to have you!!