After all the home studies, the paper work, the waiting and anticipation, the pre adopt meetings and the final placement of the child into your family. Even up to the date of the final adoption paper work, when the judge says, "Congratulations" and a new birth certificate is issued.

Right when you think you can relax. You find that your journey into being a family is now just beginning.

There is nothing more rewarding than when you adopt your child and you find that your child is just as happy that you opened your heart and family and invited them in.

The journey to fitting in and being a healthy part of every day family life is not always easy. That is why continued counseling is a good idea for the whole family for a while.

With an older child. They need to know that you are never going to replace the birth family they already know and love. You are just a healthy extension to their new family life.

When you know the child is settled in. It is more than appropriate to ask them to share things they know and have learned in life.

This will often open the door for them to tell stories of their birth family. It is ok to ask how they feel about things and if they miss any of their birth family.

It is often very helpful to ask for permission to write those family members if you have in fact done an open adoption. This is so very important if there are siblings out there that the child misses.

While it may be in the best interest of the child to not allow parental contact. It is often just as important to continue contact with birth siblings if they are in fact allowed contact.

Our Adoption Agency was so helpful in supplying us with the addresses and new adoptive names of the siblings of our adopted children.

Even after 10 years we still are able to remain in contact with three of the siblings. There however are two closed adoptions on record for the 3 other younger children. So we are allowed no contact with them.

Our oldest daughter had 7 of her birth siblings present at her wedding. It was a very joyous time. We were so blessed that the adoptive parents allowed the girls to come.

We since have sent pictures of our family and the new nephews to their siblings. We often do not get contact back but we know they at least are up on the lives of their siblings.

Talking about the good times and savoring the good memories are so important to the wellness of a child's mental health.

Helping them to face and deal with the hurt and pain from abandonment or neglect is a process and with a good therapist, it can be done.

One day with hope and prayer it will all balance out for them and they can go on and live a good healthy family life.

People are always moving in and out of our circle of friends in life. Some stay for a season and help us learn lessons that will last for a life time. Others are there for a life time and help us deal with whatever life brings our way.

My Pastor always told me life is a process upon a process. Even when our soul is broken we still go on. Searching for Gods answer to make us whole again.

So don't be afraid to explore and talk about family life and values. Family traditions and holiday diners. Your older child is full of memories. Just help them select the positive ones and cherish them. Then they will be able one day to work through the rest, as long as you support them with love and devotion.