As many of you know. This past week we experienced two deaths in our family tree. One was my brother in law and Pastor for many years. The other was the Grandma of my son in law.

Thus, it has been a very stressful week in our immediate family. To top it off my oldest daughter was admitted to the hospital with pancritis and gallbladder issues.

We were watching our grandchildren and trying to support my sister and her family along with other church members at the wake each day. Then leaving and going up to the hospital for my daughters gallbladder surgery.

By the time the funeral got here and the surgery of my daughter was over. Combined with taking care of a seven week old baby and a 23 month old toddler. I was exhausted.

The morning of the funeral we got a sitter from my husbands side of the family (good old grandma bears). Then we attended the funeral of Pastor Don.

I had been asked to speak for a brief moment about my memories of Don and the work he has done for others. So I sat for about an hour before the funeral began and I watched as all the people arrived and I observed how each of Don's grandchildren and great grandchildren presented themselves.

Rebbecca is only 19 months old and one of his last grand babies to be born. She toddled around in her pretty little pink and green dress reaching up and outward repeating "Pappa, Pappa, Me, Me Pappa."
As she had done many times before and poppa would take her up in his arms and into his bed and play with her. Only this time poppa didn't respond.

Of course her mommy would take her up in her arms and get her attention off of poppa and go into the back room.

Her brother Michael D. was the perfect little man.
Six years old but full of wisdom. He had been poppa's hands and feet for weeks. Running for pop or ice water or anything poppa asked for. He is very tender hearted but very subdued to all this sadness going on around him. He would walk up to poppa stand beside him and look into his casket.
Then just drop his head and walk away.

Shelby is 10 and she stayed occupied and away from the front of the room. Most of questions and tears came at night when we got home. When the room where poppa stayed laid empty.

Several great grandchildren approached poppa to say good bye. Most of them still very unaware of what was even going on.

The older grand children brought tears to my eyes as they spoke and told of what they had learned from their Pappa Don and what field of study they were going into, that would in fact honor Don and help people.

Don's children had vast differences in how they reacted. His baby son who is now 25 had done all the funeral arrangements and had been the care giver for his father while he was ill.

He cried and he grieved but mostly at his alone moments. He honored his dad with a 21 gun salute by the Veterans for his dads great accomplishments in his Service To Our Country. Then he and his friends closed the grave of his father as an honored tradition in our family.

Don had two daughters and two other son's. One of which helped take care of his father at the end days of his life. His oldest daughter spoke at the funeral too. Her tribute to her dad was and now will be the work she is doing in her church and with children.

Later after everything was said and done I watched as the children tried to occupy themselves and there was just a sadness to their play. They seemed more irritable and seemed to pick up on the emotional issues around them.

I thought to myself that a good nights sleep and school the next day would be a good thing for most of them.

It would also be what their Pappa would want for them. To on with life and the living of their day.
My question as well as many others that came to mind so often this past week was: When is it an appropriate age to bring a child to a funeral setting?

Of course we must learn of life and unfortunately learn that life ends in death. When should a child be told and when is the correct time to allow a child to attend a funeral?

Of course this question depends upon the emotional stability of the child in my opinion. You can not just allow an important person in the child's life to disappear without explanation.

I think it has a lot to do with how you explain death to a child also. If you bring in the issues of spirituality or heaven. Verses the cold dark side of death.

Poppa Don was in so much pain here on earth in his last days that no one wanted to see him suffer. So death was gracious and kind to him and to those who loved him. As I spoke about poppa I spoke of him healthy and happy and now doing all the wonderful things he had hoped for in his heaven. Being reunited with his friends and loved ones who have passed on before him and finally getting to see the face of his Jesus.

That brought comfort to all of us who knew him.
I added in some humorous times to remind people that Pastor Don had a way of making people smile just by being himself.

As the day ended and we all prepared for sleep. I finally allowed myself a private moment to rejoice and to miss my beloved Pastor and Friend. I snuggled my nephew close and rubbed his back as he fell off to sleep beside me. At his request he wanted Aunt Shar to help him get to sleep. Which of course meant a back rub (giggle). I didn't mind a bit. I think hugging a child is a wonderful way to end any day.

And....A perfect way to end a process of grieving for one day.