I will never forget how excited I was the first time I thought I might be pregnant. I felt like this would complete my world. I had a wonderful husband. A Beautiful home. A big backyard for kids to play in. And enough dreams to fill an ocean for what our baby would be.

I waited until I had missed three periods before I went to the doctor. I was sure I was pregnant. I had already been looking at baby cribs and clothes for boys and girls. I secretly purchased a baby teddy bear rattle. I could not wait to hear the doctor say those magic words.

I got my test run and I went home and waited the two days until the test results came back. I just knew that they would be positive. So I cooked a beautiful dinner, set out the candles and turned on the soft music. When the phone rang, I ran to it and picked it up with a cheerful heart. It was the doctor on the other end. He said "I'm sorry Sharlene but we got a negative test results. Can you come in next week so we can get you on some medication to regulate your periods?" I fell silent and finally managed to answer him.

I sat there crying it was like all my hopes and dreams were put on hold once again. I decided to not let it get me down and I pulled myself together and managed to pull off a romantic dinner for my husband.

I told my husband that I wanted to start working on a baby. He was elated and we decided to stop any type of birth control and let miracles happen on their own.

Several times I thought I had been pregnant. Several times I felt the same sinking feeling in my heart when the doctor assured me I was not pregnant.

It was so expensive to have fertility testing and our insurance didn't cover any of the procedures to aid in pregnancy. So we spent several years just hoping that one day it would happen.

It was late September and I had my usual PAP test and check up with my GYN. I didn't think much about it. It was just routine. When a few days later I got a call asking me to please come back in and see the doctor.

She wanted me to bring my husband with me. So we managed to change his schedule and go in to her office together. When we got there she said "Charlene, you may have cancer."

I laughed and said you have to be kidding. I'm to young to have cancer. I was only 26. I had never been pregnant except possibly once when I had a spontaneous abortion and lost it before it could even be confirmed. There was no way that I had cancer. Someone had to be playing a sick joke on us.

We left her office and she had said she wanted to do a hysterectomy as soon as possible. So the cells did not spread. I was still stuck on the fact that this was not happening to me.

Life had been hard enough already. My parents had both died when I was 23. I had taken care of my dad for 3 years, hand and foot before his death. It was my time to live. There was no way God would allow this to happen to me. I loved him way to much and I had worked for him in the church for over 10 years.
I had a lot of faith. I had scene miracles.

When I got home I just tried to ignore things. After a few days my husband cornered me and he broke down. He told me he could live life without children. But he could not live life without me.
He wanted me to have the surgery.

I was still in deep denial. I was angry every time I saw a pregnant woman. I was full of resentment. How could everyone else do something so easily that was impossible for me. I was down right mad.

They set the surgery date for October 25. That alone was torture. I had to wait and think about it for almost a full month before I even went in for the surgery.

All my friends were praying for me. At this point my prayers didn't mean much to me.............
................To Be Continued..................