The oldest of a sibling group, the pitcher here, was13 when he was adopted with his six siblings. Most of my other siblings groups all had the oldest child in the 10-13 year old age range.

This oldest child, in each sibling group, was usually a worrier as the child care had always been left to him or her, and in spite of all the trauma, abuse and neglect, each time I have to say, the oldest child did an admirable job of parenting the other frightened children. Sadly, in every case, the kids were split up in foster care. Each of my older kids can tell of their unspeakable fear each time that happened. One daughter, terror-stricken then, watching a car leave with her two beloved younger brothers, can hardly yet speak about it, even though nearly 20 years have passed.

One of my daughters, now only 12, has retained the nickname, Memaw, bestowed on her by the youngest two of her siblings. The rest of our family has taken to calling her that as well, it seems to fit so appropriately. This young girl was dumped in hundreds of places during the first ten years of her life, rarely with her siblings. Her birth mom moved a thousand miles away to birth the youngest two children, word came back to Memaw, and she grieved intensely, knowing there was now two more children that she was kin to, her other brother was still in the same town at that moment.

All four eventually joined our family, the youngest two are now 4 and 5, and this weekend, Memaw went with the church youth group for a Discipleship trip. The two children are restless and distraught, will Memaw return? Yes, I’ve explained she’ll be back after church service tomorrow, but that information doesn’t exactly comfort two pre-schoolers who’ve lost so much, so many times in their lives.

Today they will be fussy, antsy and will, quite likely, throw a tantrum or two before the day is over. Loss is loss. All their little brains let them comprehend at the moment, is that Memaw is not here. In their worldview, that is frightening.

Memaw is a surprisingly happy, sociable, pre-teen right now; very relieved to be free of parenting responsibilities, fairly strong in her inner understanding of a forever family. She happily packed to go, alongside the other middle-schoolers here, knowing that for 48 hours she’d be away from home, they’re still in our community, spending two nights at a church member’s house, and she’s with our youth group, and 6 family members…she needs to be able to step away from our family and return if only just to know that things won’t change, her room is still the same, no kids are now missing. This isn’t foster care, this is your family.