I have a son in jail, 18 years old and seemingly in his element. At the moment, there is no part of him that feels either regret nor remorse. In his mind, the rest of the world is wrong, he is just misunderstood, what with all these stupid rules that people keep making up.

He’d pulled a knife on another kid at school last year and threatened the kid, felony charges were slapped on him. I made him spend six weeks in our county jail before bonding him out in an apparently futile attempt at ToughLove. He didn’t mind jail one bit, he got to laze around, watch TV, and shoot off his mouth at other people who had very similar mindsets.

At home I teach personal accountability and responsibility; education and perseverance, none of which he has any desire in attaining. He was, of course, kicked out of school, he eventually went to court on his felony charges, and due to a first offender status he could have quietly served his probation and only had a misdemeanor.

Instead he tore my house and family up, necessitating in many calls to both his Probation officer and the sheriff until finally I could take it no more. At 18 ½, his P.O. said for me to take him to a homeless shelter, drop him off, he’s had enough chances in the family, he’s costing my little children their necessary feelings of security and safety.

Of course, he bombed out at the homeless shelter as well, he raised Hell there the same way he’d tried to do so many times in our home, finally he was again put in jail for probation violations but, I swear, they first gave him a dozen or so chances to get it together.

But he doesn’t want to get it together.

He thinks this is funny. He thinks he’s a folk hero or something, he doesn’t comprehend that he is missing out on the events of our family, on friends, church, social situations, advancements, a career or schooling.

I went to visit him this afternoon at the county jail, something I do not do very often for several reasons. IF he truly wanted our company, he would have made better decisions and remained within our family’s warmth, it’s embarrassing to go to this small local jail and it takes me away from the many of my children who are striving to improve their lives.

I went today, was allotted 30 minutes, but I was annoyed, aggravated and irritated by his attitude immediately. I forced myself to remain there for 15 long, tortuous minutes. This after the jailer asked me, “What’s wrong with that boy? He ate a plastic dinner tray last week.”

He’ll soon be transferred to a 120 day Boot Camp where he’ll have the opportunity to earn a GED, rather than a diversion center with even more hardened criminals. But if he blows the boot camp, that’s where he’ll be sent regardless.