Seventeen years ago I picked up the phone to call my new kids. They were living in a foster home in Texas after an adoption disruption that had devastated them. I was excited about adding new children to our family; they were, of course, non-responsive and verbally non-committal. I drew out a few words from each child, then 6, 8, 11 and 12, hanging up the phone I still felt I could win them over with my love for them, not having a single clue how hard it would be tested for the next decade. I was 35 years old; I’d been a mama for 16 years by then, MAPP trained and ready to try out my theories and strategies, positive I’d succeed.

And success has been possible but it has taken a very long time and there have been some heart wrenching moments. I don’t even want to go back through it all in my mind, although I’ve been thinking about it all morning.

After church today, my then 6 year old, now 23 had invited us to a baby shower given for her by her church in a neighboring county.

Her wedding a year ago, had been a tense affair as she’d pointedly excluded me from all but the attendance. They’d been living together, knowing I disapproved, and planned a wedding while treating me coldly. We’ve since worked on our relationship, it’s totally healed now and the shower was a sweet affair.

My daughter became a step-mother last year, giving me another grandchild to love as her husband had a four year old daughter who has become my youngest daughter’s best buddy, and my family grows ever more convoluted.

This daughter of mine never got into trouble growing up. She never stole, lied, disobeyed nor was she disruptive. Teachers loved her, she helped me and helped out at church; she was a totally sweet child to raise which made her rebellion at age 21 such a surprise.

Her new church is the same denomination as our family church; her mother-in-law is delightful, pictured above with my daughter, her step-daughter and my baby daughter. Several of my other daughters and my mother were also there today and I thought back on her beginnings 17 years ago when she was a frightened, failure-to-thrive, delayed 6 year old. She has come a very long way and I’m proud of her.