As new parents we tend to be very compassionate to our children. We have heard the horrible issues of why the kids were placed up for adoption. We have this over whelming desire to make the world right again for them.

That is such a positive goal but often we make parenting blunders that end up giving us regrets in the end.

We buy them all sorts of new things. Great toys. The coolest clothing. The neatest sneakers. Just about anything their little hearts desire.

Trying our best to paint the dream of a whole new world for our adopted child. A place where they are safe and they have all that they need. In a perfect world this may be the answer. But often it is just empty gestures to a new adopted child.

Sure they seem to want everything. But in a few days all that everything is laying on the bedroom floor.

We might walk by and wonder, Why are they not taking care of this cool stuff? Later as the honeymoon is over and discipline is needed. The first thing we try is taking away something they like or giving them a time out.

With some adopted children you can clear out their room and it wouldn't make any difference. They are so used to living with less that taking away toys and things does not phase them.

Some times the very love and compassion we have for them can hurt them. If we give to much. If we try to buy their love. We find our efforts will fail.
What they need most is your attentions. They need you to understand it is ok for them to be sad at times. It is ok for them to cry. It is ok for them to not want to be touched or hugged at times.
And, it is ok for them to be angry.

In time they will rebuild their life and they will blossom and bloom before your eyes. When that happens they will appreciate things that you give them and they will take care of it.

When someone is sad and depressed they loose touch with objects and things that matter to them. Nothing seems to be the same.

Our kids must pass through the sadness on into the desire to live again. They have to want to belong to the family and they have to want you to belong to them.

To much compassion over whelms the children. What they need most is consistency and stability. All the love and kindness on earth can't help someone who is not ready to receive it.

So in the first stages of your home life with your new adopted child. slow down and just buy what is needed. Sure a few extras are fine. They may even be welcomed. Just don't go over board with your compassion and giving heart until the child is ready to receive it with a clear understanding that is given with love not given with any kind of strings attached.

Compassion given in small doses will last forever.
So will the memories you make as a family. They are forever.