To Twin or not to Twin…

Upon starting the adoption process I quickly learned that twinning (adopting a child the same age as a child at home) is not looked highly upon. In fact, many agencies do not allow families to twin or go out of birth order. By complete accident we signed up with an agency that does allow these options. From the beginning I declared that I would not “twin” my eldest child (then age 8). She loves to be in charge and was an only child for five years, so she is used to being the first to do everything. I felt more comfortable twinning my 3 year old. So when a referral came for two amazing girls ages 6 and 8….I ignored my declaration and we accepted them quickly!

I kept thinking, “we can do this”, “Meg will be fine. She’s smart and compassionate and we will work it out”. Oh the naivety I had! I did not give the birth order of the adopted children as much though as I should. I thought that because my reading had lead me to believe that the kids would “act” younger that they would fit right in between our two girls at home.

I can honestly say that now ten months into having the girls home, that birth order issues are coming to head more now than when we first brought them home. While Mita did act younger than Meg, she quickly caught on to our way of life and is very offended at the privileges that Meg has, that she has yet to earn. Mita had been used to being the oldest, the responsible one, and the one to rely on.

So now our family has two “Alpha daughters”. This makes for interesting conversations, situations and to be honest -some fighting. While the arguments are getting old and wearing me thin, I treasure the fact that they are fighting/disagreeing over normal sibling issues. I also adore the conversations they have at night that I happen to overhear (okay –eavesdrop!) Mita opens up to Meg and they talk about death, heaven, moms and dads. They are becoming fast friends, as well as sisters. I am grateful for this and look forward to the day that we all can laugh over our “twins” antics.

If you were to ask me right now, if I would twin Meg and Mita again I would say absolutely. If you were to ask me right now if I would bring another 8 year old into the family today, I would say absolutely NOT! I feel that the twinning, birth order issue will be our biggest challenge with our adoption over the years to come. But they are so, very worth the challenge.

Here are some links to look at about twinning that would be good to read for families that are considering this experience.

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