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When preparing for bringing my Ethiopian girls home my mantra was,”Prepare for the worst, hope for the best and expect nothing.” This is a good way to prepare yourself and I encourage anyone adopting older children to not expect anything at all.
After just a few weeks the girls’ progress just blew us away. They picked up on English very well and have higher reading profeciency than many of their peers at school who have always lived here. They fit in socially very well and have friends, participate with others and just amaze me continually.
Somewhere along the line I forgot my mantra. I have come to expect a lot more of my girls than I should. I can forget how new things are to them still. The other day I corrected Enu with some grammar and she said,”I’m still learning.” My heart broke when she said that. It is a fine line between helping and nagging sometimes and I think I’ve nagged to much lately.
I am trying to slow down and think before I say anything to the girls. In my head I ask myself if I am asking to much, am I being rough on them, are my requests reasonable? I’m second guessing myself to much and putting a lot of pressure on me as well as them.
I just spent the last week helping out at our church’s Vacation Bible School. I worked with over 40 children and everyone of them reminded me that kids are kids. They are going to be loud sometimes. They are going to make bodily function noises for fun. They are going to interrupt people and make messes. Of course we still need to guide them. I think I have been trying to form the most polite kids in the world. My expectations have gone from “Nothing” to “Children of the Year”.
I’m glad I’ve realized this early in the summer and plan on chilling out quite a bit, while still being an effective parent. Have you ever stepped back are realized your expectations were too high for your adoptive kids?
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