Underemployed

Yesterday I’d fussed over my now-unemployed 20 year old, but he’s not the only one here in these straits. I also have a 25 year old Navy veteran; off of a ship from the Iraq War, what’s he going to do? He's pictured here with his birth sister, both adopted 17 years ago.

The Navy warned the shipmates that this would happen; they’d return home and start hanging out with their friends who’d never left, hadn’t done much to advance themselves and they’d end up wishing they hadn’t left the military and that is exactly what has happened here. My son told me, “I though it’d be different for me.”

Why?

He came home, took only marginal jobs, is not ready for further schooling, wants to watch TV and emotionally retreat from everyone. He’s living here with us, therefore no bills, another brother passed down a car that had already been passed down from my dad, it’s probably 15 years old, not reliable.

There’s little, if any, motivation. Am I so overly intense that I’ve inadvertently forced him to withdraw? I don’t think so, as I’ve left him to his own decisions for the last 18 months, but hey son let’s get a grip now; grow up. Dreaded words for an adopted child, they see it as rejection so I have to tiptoe and chose my words with care.

I want to holler, “When will I get set free?” But that translates, to them, as Mama doesn’t love me, if she loved me she’d take care of me, that’s her job.”

Yes it is her job until age 18 or so, but when does Mama see the adult children take care of themselves? When kids move in as pre-teens, shattered and furious over life and the abandonment, neglect and abuse that they’ve experienced, I’m so learning that it takes many, many years to recover and to gain strength. I understand this, yet the very thought is frustrating me at the moment.

His cell phone bill has been shut off and that doesn’t prompt him to work more. He was working two jobs but they’ve both petered out since they were simply jobs and not careers like the Navy could have been, like Mama encouraged in the first place.

I’m bellyaching here about it since I know y’all understand, and that many of you are veterans of this phenomenon as well. I apologize that I obviously have no answers.