Stepping into the reader’s shoes, I’m wondering aloud what adoptive parents want to read in my adoption blogs. I want to meet your needs, to cover what may have confounded you. I may not have answers, but likely I’ve had a similar experience. I simply share how we have handled these situations that are unique to the world of parenting older adopted children.
The word ‘validation’ screams at me. We dearly want someone to notice our efforts and our dedication to older children. We didn’t get the cute little babies; we chose the older, but still cute, righteously angry children.
The emails that I receive and the comments indicate that I’ve touched upon a nerve; the agreement that you send me, the “that’s happened to us, too,” in astonishment as y’all thought you were the only ones going through these trials, this teaches me too.
We, adoptive parents, often live in social isolation, afraid to venture out in public with our acting-out children, and many of our children have the laundry list of diagnoses that explain why they act this way, yet in public gatherings we’d feel right foolish trying to explain all this to others. Who wants to talk about enuresis at a church dinner?
So we stay home, we research online; we ponder our daily ventures and forays into the normal world that we used to live in as well. When I write about punched in walls, poop decorations and the pervasive smell of urine, I know I’m speaking to a receptive audience.
Yet I can also exclaim excitedly over the small progress a family member may have made in therapy, or the drooled-on note some child of mine wrote to me telling me that they love me, even though they just broke my watch, or my sofa.
You have been there and done that as well. You understand and this validates me also.
I can pull myself up from our family’s serious events and remind myself aloud that this too will pass. I put on my mental cheerleading outfit and find something positive to focus on while my minds careens around corners searching for solutions to what has happened.
I have plenty of material to use in my writings. Thirty nine children give a mother a great deal to mull over in one’s mind; we’ve had many experiences together over my more than three decades of parenting, we’ve encountered and overcome many problems, yet we still know that many more are ahead of us as well.
I plan to continue my encouragement to you, to also try and prop us all up in this wonderfully challenging world that we entered in when we started adopting older children. If there are areas you’d like to see me expound upon please leave a comment