What got you here, won’t get you there. A title to a new book on leadership caught my eye in an email today and I went to review its information. The title alone is enough for me this morning.

What got you here, won’t get you there…an apt description regarding my children and their behaviors. The cute kids that we take notice of in the adoption photo listings do not, in any way, detail nor indicate what is to come into our lives when we adopt them.

They may remain physically cute, grow into gorgeous women and handsome men, but what got them to us, won’t get them where they need to be.

They need to be successful on their own terms, self-supporting, and fairly content with their lot in life someday, not grown up, enabled alcoholics or drug abusers with a chip on their shoulder, a sense of entitlement that the world owes them a living for having suffered so much in their early years.

Generally, after many false starts, my kids do come to that place where they are as proud of themselves as I am of them.

But, we’ve had several of them try to take advantage of the free ride in a patrol car therapy, free lodging as in three hots and a cot, behind bars…didn’t Mama tell you…”Y’all if I don’t teach you right from wrong, then the world will do so.”

The one in jail right now that I referred to recently, the only one thankfully, was just turned down for Boot Camp due to his many diagnoses. They don’t feel that they can handle him. But a scrawny ole lady like me can? I’ve tried to maintain his violent, erratic behavior for years, we’ve tried meds, therapy and resources. Nothing has worked, we’ve seen glimmers of hope at times, he is bonded to us, but he just cannot control his many, daily outbursts of unacceptable behavior. Son, this is not how normal people function.

He will be sent to a Diversion Center, not quite a prison, but worse than our friendly county jail. I’m not poking fun there either, I know the deputies and the jailers in this small county. Nice, homespun men who do a wonderful job of enforcing the law. Not above pulling a prank on my son, I don’t mind, we all, including him, enjoy a good laugh. Made my son feel like one of the guys to have been so pranked. How can I get him to understand that life on the other side of the bars is infinitely more desirable?

I’d watched bits and pieces of a Primetime show the other night, The Outsiders” about a 57 year old woman who is tending to two teenaged grandchildren while their dad in prison. He gets interviewed and I hear him explain to the cameras that jail is where he feels successful, the outside world is too intimidating, and that he has not correctly parented or paid bills like a normal adult one single day in his life, he’s now 36 years old and before the show was over, he’d been returned to prison.

I watched in horror. How will I ever get through to Joey as I see those same tendencies in him? I’ve pondered for several days on a mom, Kelly, who succinctly pointed out that her son was now with his peers watching unlimited TV, something she didn’t allow. Honey, you are so correct and on-target. My older children, as well, have chewed on your explanation. Our sons have gotten what they want…cussing rights, unlimited, unverified and undocumented braggadocio abilities, and now neither accountability nor responsibility.

That thought just burns my behind and somehow, someway I’m going to do all I can to turn this around. Stay tuned as I believe that my determination knows no bounds.