When you live in a small town you usually hear about everyone and everything. Sometimes it is good news and sometimes it makes you sad.

Today I heard about the down side of adoption. I know what it does to the adoptive parents. I have been on this end with my own daughter April. Today I heard a little of what it can do to the child.

An older child was adopted by a family. They were sure they could make things work. After a few years of one bad incident after another the adoptive parents just could not go on and they petitioned the court and DHS to intervene.

The troubled youth was moved to the Pre Adult Foster Home where my daughter April had spent six weeks this past summer. The young person was very unhappy.
It seemed everything they said or had done was wrong.
This deeply disturbed the person very much. But the teen just kept it all inside and did not allow anyone to know how they were feeling.

This is common with adopted children. They often feel alone and abandoned by everyone and everything they know and love. Most children act out and good parents catch a hint that the child may need some therapy.

In this case someone dropped the ball. They didn't see the signs. Not the adoptive parents, not the courts nor the social workers. The teen even hid it from the other teens living around them.

Even a well experienced foster mom of 40 years was not able to stop it from happening. The teen cut their own throat.

Of course we can't go into more details because we do not want to add to the pain of the family by invading privacy. However, we can talk about the feelings that go on between adopted teens and parents.

I know how a parent feels. It is overwhelming failure. You do anything and everything you can to instill a good since of clean living into your child.
You encourage them to go to school and get an education. You tell them to not get into trouble. To focus on activities. Hang with friends but do not smoke or drink or use drugs.

Then when your child ends up out there failing school
and you get called in day after day because the child is skipping or sleeping in class or has a million missing assignments. Nothing you or the teachers do makes any difference. Then one day they just stop going to school even though you wake them up and send them out the door. You feel deep failure.

It is natural to nag the child and make them feel the failure with you. The loss of the dream. No diploma here....no college dorm or degree. Just your kid on the streets in the soup line.

Then they go further and start not coming home at curfew. Eventually the move their little lay out plan later and later until one day they don't come home or call at all. All authority and respect as a parent is gone now. They will not listen to you.

The next thing you know the police are at your door with your child in hand. Then you feel the demand to parent your child even more. But nothing works.
You end up in court several times and the expenses are out weighing what your family can afford.

Like these parents and this teen....The parents ask for help. They do not know what to do. Or what is missing. Then DHS and the courts step in.

..................To Be Continued.............