For every older child and for every birth parent out there. I hope you never stop searching for one another.

In a perfect world every adopted child would grow up strong and one day find their birth parent. When they find that parent, the parent would welcome them with open arms and great joy would be felt by both the child and parent.

For the emotional wellness of any child who has been adopted I think giving them the love and encouragement they need to one day see a birth parent out is part of our responsibility as Adoptive parents.

They should not have to worry about if they look will it hurt us. It really has nothing to do with who we are to them. It has everything to do with the natural desire to ask questions and know who they look like and be able to have the parents explain the Why? What? When? and, Where?.

Even if you look for your child and they do not open their arms. At least you have made a positive step to show you love them as a birth parent.

Even if your birth mom sits there with a blank look on her face or they shut the door. At least you have tried and you have the biological right to find them and ask questions.

What is most important is your Emotional wellness.
What ever it takes to place the hurt behind you and to move on in life and live for who you are now.

Many people let things that happen to them dictate what they allow themselves to accomplish later on in life. I am a firm believer of dealing with the issues and then moving on. Letting it go. If anything let your experience enhance how you live life to the fullest.

Grow up and help other families and kids. When you see abuse happening speak up. Share a smile and a warm hug with friends and make your inner circle of people, people who are worth knowing.

Just be realistic and be prepared. If you are an older child who came into the system because mom was drinking or using drugs. Don't expect much more than a cordial meeting. If mom is still strung out on the drugs she may not have changed.
Some people get stuck in the mud of life.

If she has changed and she knocks on your door. Open it with a new beginning. Don't judge your mom for the evils of her past. Let the hurt go. A civil relationship is better than nothing at all.

Birth moms don't expect your child to fall into your arms if you have changed and now you are sorry for whatever happened. Give the child time to do self healing. Except what the child has to offer and pray that it will be more in the future.

The same goes for good parents who just gave up their child so the child could have a better life.
Sometimes the child is angry and hurt and they carry those emotions. Open a door to a possible relationship to build and give the child space to learn to ask the questions and hear the answers.

Most of us Adoptive moms support adoption reunions.
Yes they scare us. No we don't want to loose a child we love and have raised. So be gentle with our hearts also.

What is best for all is emotional health and learning to understand and how to forgive and let the past go. Then healing can begin in a beautiful way.