“My wife and I are beginning to enter into the adoption process. We have decided not to have our own children, but rather we want to adopt many children. Would you recommend getting an infant for the first time? Or are you indifferent?”

I don’t mean to be flippant but I cracked up at his, “Or are you indifferent?” Yep, half the time I’d have to say I am indifferent.

But this is a really good question and one that I’m totally unqualified to answer as I don’t know this couple’s ages or willingness to deal with the severe issues that many of us adoptive parents have struggled through in the adoption of older children.

Maybe an infant adoption is easier? I don’t know since the only infants that have joined our family were my three grandchildren as they were each born. I raised one birth child as well and I’ve found that all four of those children are similar. They are all really good kids even though the oldest can hardly be called a kid anymore at 34.

I’ve adopted several kids who joined our family as teenagers and they’ve also been wonderful sons and daughters so the jury is still out.

I’ve watched and admired the China, Vietnam and Guatemalan baby adoptions from afar. I’m aware that they are successful and expensive. They have some great programs through reputable adoption agencies.

I read a book some time ago entitled, There Are Babies To Adopt, and I found it encouraging, yet I was personally not called to adopt a baby. I truly felt called to adopt older children; school aged Hispanic sibling groups as it turned out. My focus became very narrow in that regard.

I also excluded serious issues that I felt unqualified to parent such as sexual acting out behaviors, pet abusers, or fire setters. Yet I still ended up parenting some extremely severe emotional illnesses and a myriad array of behavior problems dangerous enough to require the police to come to our house on several occasions.

If I had to do it again, I’d do the same. The school aged Hispanic sibling groups as I don’t have a doubt in the world that I was meant to parent these specific children that are now Bodies. It has been very tough, very challenging and very rewarding.

I suppose the best recommendation I could give, if someone is considering the adoption of older children, is to become a foster parent first – a baptism by fire experience that would give you a good indication of where you may feel led to adopt. Reading these blogs as well on the many different aspects of adoption will also give a realistic view of what to expect.

So instead of indifferent, I’m thrilled that you and your wife want to adopt; the need is so great for willing parents. I wish you well on your journey.